Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
