I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
