DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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