I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
