we have officially lost it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
