Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
