my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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