i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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