Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ttyl tear gas
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
