On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
