hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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