can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
