Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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