you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
