Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
