That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize