the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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