A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
