fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
