you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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