i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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