u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
