the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
