it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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