he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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