strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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