dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
