i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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