so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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