yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
