I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
