were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
