Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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