I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
