Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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