he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
