Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
