Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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