I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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