Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
