We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He has the fingertips of a God
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
