You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
