I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
