Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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