Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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