U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize