This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
