doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
