You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
