"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
