I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
