Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
