I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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