Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
