Can i not drive my cunt home
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
