i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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