I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
