We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
