Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
