She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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