Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
