I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
