do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
