What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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