i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
