I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
