There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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