I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
