forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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