from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
barbara walters just said penis...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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