In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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