Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
