Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize