I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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