her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
