the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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