I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
