so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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