Sry I called you an 8
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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