Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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