Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
