I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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