dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize