Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
