There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
