'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
