Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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