At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
