It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
