cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
