If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
