i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
