Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
