Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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