i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
