so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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