I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
