I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
