if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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