why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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