Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
