Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
