We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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