I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
