I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
