Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
