Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize