At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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