Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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